mandey's world

omg, it is freaking crazy when i get all philosophical on people. Had some good chats with a few friends tonight and oh wow. and you know what? My wisdom actually happened and it wasn't past midnight. Seriously, i know that wisdom in my thoughts before the early AM hours are rare.

so i have a portuguese test in the morning and have tons of english reading to do before class tomorrow BUT for some fun reason, anytime i begin to do any of it, i immediately am overcome with exhaustion and fall asleep. That's really bad but it has been happening all weekend and now it has overlapped into the week. After tomorrow, my week is pretty mellow and so long as i show up to my other classes, it'll all be good.

"I hold it true,what'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

"As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd stay away."
-Hughes Mearns, The Psychoed

"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."
-TS Eliot, The Hollow Men

weekend..oh the weekend. i felt like i should update since it's been about a week but can't think of what to update about. things are complicated and hey, that's normal i guess. got my first english paper back and was suprised with the grade especially with the effort that i put into it. I now have my project assignment for my upper level english class. I am to do a presentation on Harlem renaissance as Hurston uses it in writing As Their Eyes Were Watching God. I have roughly a month to prepare but this isn't something i can put off. My instructor has already set a high bar for me to achieve b/c she is interested in my topic. fun times there;) I am actually up to the challenge. She seems pretty strict and all but she is so passionate and just wants to make sure that we comprehend the material well enough. The project is our fun part of the class as the rest of the time we spend it reading our book which is full of history. THis class is a history class but american literature history. It can get extremely boring but hey, gotta take the class if i want my degree.

going through different moods of the times. can't explain it all really. sometimes i'm extremely hyper and will walk to 7-11 for a slurpee while other times i just want to lay around and nap..gotta give props to several people who know who they are that just randomly cheer me up. unexpected phone calls have proven to be fun and shopping with the roommates! yea...fun times there. decisions...i hate decisions...it's the delibrative trait i have. i will ponder a decision for the longest time before i will follow through..why oh why must i be an adult? How do you ever know if the decision you are making is the right one? How does each one affect your life overall? How do you know that you're not screwing stuff up?

Anywho, it's early in the morning...i need sleep. oh and need to check the weather for this week since i need to get my astronomy lab out of the way! later all

just...grrrr...grr to the people that live under me and anywhere else that i can hear every freaking thing they do..i live on the top floor...shouldn't have trouble with people walking on another floor, right? WRONG! i can not only hear his/her music late at night as i try to sleep but i can now hear them doing only God knows what with the banging...geesh...an empty suite and i still don't get complete silence. just...grr...and grrr to other things...things i won't go into...those that know my current situations...um...yea...the whole 'don't think about it at all over the weekend'...i almost made it but earlier...yea...GRRR

sorry to rain on happiness..just needed to de 'sress' a little...screaming may bring an RA to my room attempting to see what is wrong only to find me in an empty suite. what fun that'd be, i tell you.

another week gone another to come. routines are not cool. I don't care what anyone says but doing the same exact thing at the same exact time every week is beyond predictable. it's sad when i can almost outline my whole day for almost every day. sometimes i wish i could just ditch all my resposibilities and just..i dunno...do something...anything...oooo...road trip..i've never done one of those..i'm so...not adventurous. Any trip i've ever been on has been with family or for school. To leave everything behind and embark on some crazy whatever trip..whoa..would be so 'unlike' me. i so should do it..ha..right..lol..nevermind..well it's 1am and i still have some history of american lit hw to do..hopefully we will have class tomorrow. Why the heck am i wishing for class you may ask? well considering we've had a walk for almost 3 weeks, having class would ensure us that our class won't be killed..night all

i am on strike. i refuse to do meaningless readings, write several papers. i'm tired of homework in general. if only we could go on strike. Lol..a very distant dream of mine that is. Classes? omg. some of them are so boring and too freaking early in the morning. I guess i am glad of a new game type thing i am doing with my roommates then. It modivates us all to go to class...except sally that is;) j/k. But really, we have like a contest type thing set up that modivates us not to skip classes. Two dollars to begin the week and everytime you miss a class, some money is added to the pot. At the end of each week who ever went to every class and i do mean EVERY class, gets whatever's in the pot. it's actually working for us. I am still in the running for this week and 'if i am crowned' winner, then i will use my moola for laundry! Great times to come this weekend! clean laundry and clean room, i promise!

After thinking things over and evaluating my schedule, i've decided that taking on that second job will be overdoing things too much. As it is, my actual free time when people are actually around is two afternoons which doesn't say much for my life. So no extra money for me! School and pc work is enough for me with the other things i do:) i guess i can live with little money and keep my sanity. Sounds like the best plan i've heard for a while! Ok, just realized time...ending post....NOW

Here's to a sleepless night. This one's really all my fault for i slept til early afternoon and then took a nap earlier. I know i shouldn't have but it felt oh so good and it was one of those naps were i felt like i'm awake and continued on with my days. Those are always fun when i finally wake up and realize that none of it actually happened and that i am not a few days ahead. If all of that was completely confusing, i am deeply sorry.

school. what can i say about school? it's here. i'm here. I don't know how i'm keeping the schedule that i'm doing. Sometimes it's hard to remember that i am actually here. Reality is a funny thing and it can play tricks on you. Some mornings i just don't want to get out of bed but i still do. I fight it but i eventually crawl out of bed and go to class and work. My friends. oh gosh. it's getting hard. if anything, it's mostly a hi and a bye. Sad but true and oh the guilt i feel b/c of it..um..yea. So to my friends, i'm sorry. I do not mean to abandon anyone. I am such an outsider now a days due to my busy schedule. I am still here whenever anyone needs me regardless of time.
~~Anywho~~
oh i miss my family so much. My annoying little bro. my dad..but most of all, My mom.wow..still love her tons and think about her constantly, so...

In My Daughter's Eyes- Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong an' wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes.

An' when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realise what life is all about.
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough;
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up.
I've seen the light: it's in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
An' what will be.
An' though she'll grow an', some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I'm gone, I hope you'll see,
How happy she made me,
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes.

This is such a beautiful song and everytime it plays, it just gets to me. Not just because of the words. Yes, the words are so powerful, but because the memory i have linked to it the first time i heard it:) Hope you enjoy it

I'm bored and i saw this on a friend's site:) so...jus for fun:)


1.smoked a cigarette uh...NO. bought them for the parentals but never smoked
2.smoked a cigar NO
3.made out with a member of the same sex NO
4.crashed a friend's car NOpe
5.stolen a car- Technically...yes...taking the car w/out asking permission
7.been dumped -nope
8.shoplifted - NO
9.been fired - no..it was a mutual thing kind of...he said if i didn't show up for work then not to come back even though i had to leave town for school...
10.been in a fist fight-not a real one...just play ones
11.snuck out of your house um..yea
12.had feelings for someone who didnt have them back ONLY A MILLION TIMES
13.been arrested NO i think i would cry if i did
14.made out with a stranger NOPE
15.gone on a blind date-nope
16.lied to a friend- i don't consider it a lie..just omitting certain things
17.had a crush on a teacher like in jr/high and high school on the STUDENT teachers..lol..some of those college guys were cute! lol
18.skipped school UM YEA!
19.slept with a co-worker Nope
20.seen someone die-no
21.been on a plane-yes
22.thrown up in a bar -Nope
23.taken painkillers- yea
24.love someone or miss someone right now EVERYONE LOVES SOMEONE
25.laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by -Yep..and it's tons of fun
26.made a snow angel YES
27.played dress up YES
28.cheated while playing a game-Have to when i play against my dad...he cheats so much.
29.been lonely -duh
30.fallen asleep at work/school -lol but of course;)
31.used a fake id NOPE
32.felt an earthquake UH NO
33.touched a snake yea...not cool
34.ran a red light YES. and i about freaked out
35.been suspended from school NOpe
36.had detention- NO way
37.been in a car accident-Not really bad ones..just like bumper scratching
38.hated the way you look ALL THE TIME
39.witnessed a crime WELL DUH
40.pole danced NO
41.been lost-oh yes...but i don't give in. I've very relative so i eventually become 'unlost'
42.been to the opposite side of the country-Nope.
43.felt like dying FELT LIKE YOU WERE DYING OR WANTED TO DIE? doesn't everyone sometimes?
44.cried yourself to sleep-yea..
45.played cops and robberS-when i was little
46.sang karaoke-one song last year...and that's it..
47.done something you told yourself you wouldn't- Yeppers.
48.laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose-nope
49.caught a snowflake on your tongue Yep..it's fun
50.kissed in the rain No..
51.sing in the shower YEA
52.made love in a park NO
53.had a dream that you married someone i think so. possibly..but never saw his face..those dreams SUCK!
54. glued your hand to something -haha..yea..fun times with hot glue;)
55. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole NO
56.worn the opposite sex's clothes YES, i have three brothers;) i've worn their shirts and when i was a kid, boy's shorts..fun times
57.been a cheerleader HA...riggghhht..actually..NOPE
58. sat on a roof top YES..i am afraid of heights but it is so much fun
59. didn't take a shower for a week NOWAY
60.ever to scared to watch scary movies alone NO, if i'm that bored i will..but when it gets to the scary parts, then i change the channel.
61.played chicken Nope
62.been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on -UH NO
63.been told you're hot by a complete stranger Nope
64.broken a bone -My finger when i was like 2 or 3
65.been easily amused -Many times
66.laugh so hard you cry YES
67.mooned/flashed someone Nope
68.cheated on a test- test? NO
69.forgotten someone's name Yes and i felt so bad!
70.slept naked no
71.gone skinny dipping in a pool NO
72.been kicked out of your house NO
73.blacked out from drinking NO
74.played a prank on someone-attempted but they usually aren't great
75.gone to a late night movie YES
76.made love to anything not human - how about NO!!!
77.failed a class -No..i think my parents would kill me...
78.choaked on something you're not supposed to eat UH...I DON'T THINK SO.
79.played an instrument for more than 10 hours NOPE
80.cheated on a gf/bf NO..never had one so most definately NOT
81.ate a whole package of oreos nope
82.thrown strange objects-hmm..like a lamp or something like that? then i guess yea
83.felt like killing someone -OF COURSE! but would i carry it out? probably not
84.thought about running away-back in the day...
85.ran away NO
86.did drugs GASP! NO
87.had detention and not attend it NO
88.yelled at parents sadly...yes
89.made parent cry -yea..i'm so bad
90.cried over someone-yea
91.owned more than 5 sharpies -nope
92.dated more than 1 person at once-NO!!! i wish i could just get ONE!
93.have a dog -family dogs but not mine really
94. had sex with the same sex NO
95.own an instrument Nope...gave my bro my violin a while back
96.been in a band-Nope...chorus girl;)
97.had more than 25 sodas in one day-it's not SODA! it's COKE! and no i haven't
98.broken a cd yea..fun times there paying my bro back for it
99.shot a gun -a water gun.
100. had sex with someone of the opposite-Nope

in two weeks i will be a whole five dollars richer...without even trying! HAHA...i just love bets...especially when i know i am gonna win;) Christine will not win b/c i just know it! haha...what we are betting on you ask? well, sorry that information is confidential...well kind of...if the guys next door were in their room then they know what it is since the walls are so thin, but that's beside the point.

Had a nice laid back weekend. Did almost nothing but be a zombie and nothing more. hopes of a working computer have been rebuilt! my brother is looking at getting me a new hard drive...what happened to my hard drive? I have no clue..my brother says i like beat it but i did no such thing. Oh wells. A few more weeks and hopefully i will have it back and running...but all my files once again are gone! i am so upset..all my music and documents are nonexistent. You can't begin to understand my sorrow.

the cliché in the title...well..it's from different thoughts. Had a great convo earlier with christine about how experience makes the person that you become. Without them, you are nothing but with them, you are whole...sorry to get like that...but really it's an interesting conversation to have...well i'm rambling so i better go...later all