ramblings
Not really seeing the need to have this really. I write in my myspace and it has some good features to only allow 'friends' to read it and almost all of the people that count can read those entries. I guess this can stay and maybe i can eventually venture back to continually writing in this blog.
it's so weird on how the world around me just keeps changing and things i thought i knew and counted on changed and will never be as i had known them before. I know that that's how life is but it's hard having to cope with change. For me, it's hard to cope with change. I hate change. I've been told that it's the deliberative person in me. I have problems with things changing, life changing. when change overpowers me i always do one of two things: embrace it by keeping busy or shut the world out. i know the latter doesn't sound very productive but haven't you ever felt like crawling into a corner to hide from what lurks in the dark? i know looking back things are meant to change for the better. I can look back on my life and see where life has molded me...molded those around me. Sometimes we stayed close and other times we were pulled apart. The only people i can wholeheartedly say have been there the majority of my life are those that are bound to me by blood. I have no friends that have stayed in my life for long...really no longer than a year...there are very few exceptions. Sometimes our paths pulled us apart and then occasionally pushed us back. some over short amounts of time and others years apart.
take sean:connected at the hip since i was 4 or 5 and he was 2..when he turned 7 we would do obligational playtimes until he realized that girls weren't yucky...we were tight again..for a short time because as i entered jr high i realized that little kids were there to babysit, not as friends. Since then we have teased each other year after year and now that he's a senior in hs we wave to one another. i will probably get a graduation announcement and will give him a gift. he and his family will get an announcement from me and they will come over and give hugs and we'll talk. our paths will always be connected in that way but the best friend path was left.
Hayley...we were in ballet from the time we were three. As i went to do soccer as well and finally dropped ballet, we drifted apart and then years later on my first speech trip sitting on the bus we began to bond again with little knowledge that we had once been friends. It wasn't til months later as i was sifting through old boxes that i found pictures and recital announcements with both our names printed neatly next to each other. we had found one another once again. The months passed and we drifted apart once again and then one day i opened my myspace and there she was requesting me to 'friend' her. We had reconnected.
ironic how some people just find their way back into one's life. i correspond with a few of my old friends. each of us have had our troubles reconnecting with those we used to consider bff but at least we've found one another, someone else who willingly wants to catch up. sometimes i see people who have friends that they've known for years and i envy them. They've been able to remain constant. How can they do it?
being in college has changed me. like the old days i've made and lost friendships. some i have been able to remain close to and others have evolved and status has changed. events in my life have influenced me to be cautious with people and while deep down i want to be outgoing and sincerely friendly, defense mechanisms are always in full gear and it takes a lot of mental strength for me to not only trust but to continue trusting a person. It's like white blood cells...they fight bacteria and viruses sometimes they are working overtime when they could and should relax.
doubt any of this post has made any sense. If anyone has made it this far, big props to you. I doubt anyone did but if so would love to hear your thoughts...
it's so weird on how the world around me just keeps changing and things i thought i knew and counted on changed and will never be as i had known them before. I know that that's how life is but it's hard having to cope with change. For me, it's hard to cope with change. I hate change. I've been told that it's the deliberative person in me. I have problems with things changing, life changing. when change overpowers me i always do one of two things: embrace it by keeping busy or shut the world out. i know the latter doesn't sound very productive but haven't you ever felt like crawling into a corner to hide from what lurks in the dark? i know looking back things are meant to change for the better. I can look back on my life and see where life has molded me...molded those around me. Sometimes we stayed close and other times we were pulled apart. The only people i can wholeheartedly say have been there the majority of my life are those that are bound to me by blood. I have no friends that have stayed in my life for long...really no longer than a year...there are very few exceptions. Sometimes our paths pulled us apart and then occasionally pushed us back. some over short amounts of time and others years apart.
take sean:connected at the hip since i was 4 or 5 and he was 2..when he turned 7 we would do obligational playtimes until he realized that girls weren't yucky...we were tight again..for a short time because as i entered jr high i realized that little kids were there to babysit, not as friends. Since then we have teased each other year after year and now that he's a senior in hs we wave to one another. i will probably get a graduation announcement and will give him a gift. he and his family will get an announcement from me and they will come over and give hugs and we'll talk. our paths will always be connected in that way but the best friend path was left.
Hayley...we were in ballet from the time we were three. As i went to do soccer as well and finally dropped ballet, we drifted apart and then years later on my first speech trip sitting on the bus we began to bond again with little knowledge that we had once been friends. It wasn't til months later as i was sifting through old boxes that i found pictures and recital announcements with both our names printed neatly next to each other. we had found one another once again. The months passed and we drifted apart once again and then one day i opened my myspace and there she was requesting me to 'friend' her. We had reconnected.
ironic how some people just find their way back into one's life. i correspond with a few of my old friends. each of us have had our troubles reconnecting with those we used to consider bff but at least we've found one another, someone else who willingly wants to catch up. sometimes i see people who have friends that they've known for years and i envy them. They've been able to remain constant. How can they do it?
being in college has changed me. like the old days i've made and lost friendships. some i have been able to remain close to and others have evolved and status has changed. events in my life have influenced me to be cautious with people and while deep down i want to be outgoing and sincerely friendly, defense mechanisms are always in full gear and it takes a lot of mental strength for me to not only trust but to continue trusting a person. It's like white blood cells...they fight bacteria and viruses sometimes they are working overtime when they could and should relax.
doubt any of this post has made any sense. If anyone has made it this far, big props to you. I doubt anyone did but if so would love to hear your thoughts...
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